My scare of the day

I was sitting at work this morning when I heard  call come over the scanner. It said that there had been an accident with injuries in front of Fisher Brothers Lumber in Chandler. I can't explain it, but I knew that it was my brother. I kept listening and I heard them say that the driver was having a seizure. I immediately called my mom and told her what I had heard. She, of course, dropped everything and ran to the scene. I called her a few minutes later and she said that it was him and to call my dad immediately. I'm panicked when I call my dad and relay the message. I dropped everything at work and got in my car. After the longest trip from Boonville to Chandler ever, I turned on to Iowa Street and saw my brother's car vertical in a ditch. I ran to the police car sitting behind it and asked where my brother was. He pointed me in the direction of an ambulance. My brother was sitting in the ambulance. Perfectly fine. I mean, he was a little out of it, just having a seizure, but otherwise fine. No blood. No broken bones. He was so lucky.

After a little coaxing, we discovered that he had not had his anti-seizure medication for a couple days.  A COUPLE DAYS!!?? He is supposed to have it everyday. Several times a day. And he hadn't had it for a couple days. He was too proud to admit to my parents that he was out of his prescription. After they asked him about it repeatedly, he lied and lied. He lied to the paramedics in the ambulance. He lied to me. He lied to everyone he came in contact with. 

So now, my worry and concern has turned into good, old-fashioned anger. After finally getting his car home (a wrecker had to pull his car from the ditch and my dad and I pulled it home. The wrecker cost my parents $60 just to pull it out.), I laid into him. I told him that he could have killed someone. I told him that I love him and don't want to see him hurt. I yelled at him and told him my kids need an uncle. I told him I need a brother.

If this were the first time, I'd understand. I did understand the first time. A couple years ago, he was driving to Boonville and pulled over because he felt a seizure coming on. He was literally inches from a telephone pole. Just a couple months ago, my mom got a call from the police because my brother was in a CVS store stumbling around and incoherent. If the police officer hadn't known any better, he could have arrested him for suspected public intoxication.

I know it has to suck to be in his situation. I can't imagine what it is like for him day in and day out. He can't drink, he's tied to these meds for the rest of his life. He has to watch his diet. He has to take care to get enough sleep. Especially being a mom, I can't comprehend what that would be like. I know it has to be a tough life.

But on the other hand, I have to see it from both angles. He knew that he hadn't taken his medication, but he drove. He knew that he would probably have a seizure, but he drove. He knew that he could kill someone, but he drove. So here I am, angry and having to run all the scenarios through my head. What makes people get behind the wheel when they know they shouldn't? Isn't he, in some capacity, playing God? Isn't he taking the lives of everyone else on the roads into his hands when he gets behind the wheel like this?

I know that some people will say that he has a guardian angel on his shoulder and that he is so lucky. I think he's been lucky to this point but everything is going to change now. At least, I hope it does.