Pot-smoking 5-year-old???

So, Chloe, my oldest daughter, asked my husband if people really smoke weed. WHAT!? What the hell does a 5 year old know about smoking weed? And what do you say? Then she asked me if I ever did drugs when I was younger. You know, I thought I had a lot longer to ponder the answer to these questions. It is really saying something that a 5 year old kid in kindergarten is asking about these things. "Yes, honey. I used to get stoned out of my mind." or "Yes, honey. We used to smoke blunts all the time." I'm a little beyond freaking out. SHE IS 5!!!

I am in the process of photoshopping a "photoshoot" I did with the girls. I'll get some pics up here ASAP.

By the way, for those of you wondering, I totally lied to her. I'm not telling my little girl that I used to be a stoner. She is definitely not ready for those stories.

Venting...

I am really looking forward to the weekend. It seems like this week has just drug on and on...

My New Year's resolution is going well, so far. I'm not telling anyone what it is because I don't want to jinx it. 

This weekend will be a lazy, boring weekend spent at home with the kids. It doesn't get much better than that.

Please note that I do not have internet access at home, so I will not blog on the weekends. I only get on the computer when I get paid to do so. Same goes for my email and myspace page. Sorry. If you need me on the weekends, call me.

But, I do need to vent a little.

People need to learn how to move on. We have dealt with several people at work this week that can't let go of the past and look to the future. I realize how hard it has to be to lose a child to suicide. I can't fathom the pain and loss a family goes through when something like that happens. But after a year, it is time to pick up the pieces and move on. Spending time yelling at people about the situation and telling people how hard it was to lose a child or sibling to suicide is not going to change anything. And, its no one's fault. The only person to blame is the person who took their own life. Deal with it and move on. Don't ever forget that person. Always hold a piece of them in your heart, but move on. You can't stop living when someone dies.

And finally...

When you own a business, especially a child care business, and you have your license revoked for abusing and neglecting children, there is no vindication for that. Anything you do, besides laying low and avoiding people, is going to drag your name through the dirt. Do not start a Web site saying that CPS is the ones hurting children. Do not publish documents proving your guilt on a Web site trying to prove your innocence. Do not threaten to sue me if you have no grounds. I'm not even mad. I find the whole thing funny. But don't threaten me. I have more proof than  you know. And SLANDER is spoken. LIBEL is written. I did look it up. It is a very interesting subject. You've done it to several people also. To quote you, the CPS is "condescending bitches." I have all the documents printed out.  If you want a fight, bring it baby! I don't look like a hillbilly on crack and I know how to spell and use proper grammar. Maybe you should educate  yourself. Get a life. No one cares what you think.

Welcome!

So, I'm finally a blogger. I hope you all enjoy. I'm putting up some older pics of my girls. Chloe is always the photogenic one. Calle is more shy and doesn't really like to smile for pictures. I'm sure that I'll probably end up with more pictures of Chloe. I'm sure I'll have more to write about later.

My scare of the day

I was sitting at work this morning when I heard  call come over the scanner. It said that there had been an accident with injuries in front of Fisher Brothers Lumber in Chandler. I can't explain it, but I knew that it was my brother. I kept listening and I heard them say that the driver was having a seizure. I immediately called my mom and told her what I had heard. She, of course, dropped everything and ran to the scene. I called her a few minutes later and she said that it was him and to call my dad immediately. I'm panicked when I call my dad and relay the message. I dropped everything at work and got in my car. After the longest trip from Boonville to Chandler ever, I turned on to Iowa Street and saw my brother's car vertical in a ditch. I ran to the police car sitting behind it and asked where my brother was. He pointed me in the direction of an ambulance. My brother was sitting in the ambulance. Perfectly fine. I mean, he was a little out of it, just having a seizure, but otherwise fine. No blood. No broken bones. He was so lucky.

After a little coaxing, we discovered that he had not had his anti-seizure medication for a couple days.  A COUPLE DAYS!!?? He is supposed to have it everyday. Several times a day. And he hadn't had it for a couple days. He was too proud to admit to my parents that he was out of his prescription. After they asked him about it repeatedly, he lied and lied. He lied to the paramedics in the ambulance. He lied to me. He lied to everyone he came in contact with. 

So now, my worry and concern has turned into good, old-fashioned anger. After finally getting his car home (a wrecker had to pull his car from the ditch and my dad and I pulled it home. The wrecker cost my parents $60 just to pull it out.), I laid into him. I told him that he could have killed someone. I told him that I love him and don't want to see him hurt. I yelled at him and told him my kids need an uncle. I told him I need a brother.

If this were the first time, I'd understand. I did understand the first time. A couple years ago, he was driving to Boonville and pulled over because he felt a seizure coming on. He was literally inches from a telephone pole. Just a couple months ago, my mom got a call from the police because my brother was in a CVS store stumbling around and incoherent. If the police officer hadn't known any better, he could have arrested him for suspected public intoxication.

I know it has to suck to be in his situation. I can't imagine what it is like for him day in and day out. He can't drink, he's tied to these meds for the rest of his life. He has to watch his diet. He has to take care to get enough sleep. Especially being a mom, I can't comprehend what that would be like. I know it has to be a tough life.

But on the other hand, I have to see it from both angles. He knew that he hadn't taken his medication, but he drove. He knew that he would probably have a seizure, but he drove. He knew that he could kill someone, but he drove. So here I am, angry and having to run all the scenarios through my head. What makes people get behind the wheel when they know they shouldn't? Isn't he, in some capacity, playing God? Isn't he taking the lives of everyone else on the roads into his hands when he gets behind the wheel like this?

I know that some people will say that he has a guardian angel on his shoulder and that he is so lucky. I think he's been lucky to this point but everything is going to change now. At least, I hope it does.